Writing Exercise 12: The Other 1%

Writing Exercise 12 – Write something about letting go and moving forward

As I continue on this path of writing every day for 30 days, I am realizing how amazing my life is.  In exercise #4 , I wrote about being lucky and how luck is a state of mind, not something that happens upon someone.  Today, I submit that wealth can be the same thing.  And although in recent news, the 1% has the corner market on wealth, I think there is another 1% that can discover wealth.

I have heard (and read) many spiritual leaders say that if we want what we have, then we will not want for anything.  I recently read that on a slip of paper someone slipped inside my fortune cookie in Chinatown.  And although the saying may be true, I think it is too one dimensional. What if what we have is crappy?  Should we want to want crap?  I think not.

As mentioned in earlier posts, I have had some struggles in my life including living on my own at a young age.  As a gay person of color, I was the source of laughter for so many people who participated in racial and homophobic taunts.  In addition to this torment, I was also sexually assaulted, raped, and beaten bloody all before age 15.  All of that was pretty crappy.  In fact, that was crap served with a side of crap, topped with a cherry made of crap.

And I could tell you all of those experiences made me a better person.  I could also say with absolute certainty it makes me who I am today, which is a pretty good person, though not very humble.  But when I was being raped, sexually assaulted, beaten, taunted, and living on my own at a young age, hearing or reading about this kind of enlightenment would not have been very helpful.   In fact, I would have been downright turned off.   I didn’t care if I was going to be a better person for all the misery I had to endure. 

So what did I do to get through those crappy times to what I consider a life of luxury?  Well, what I did was focus on what I wanted since I was pretty clear on what I didn’t want.  And because I knew I didn’t want my life to continue the way it was, regardless of whose fault it was, I paid attention to what I did want.

Now, I ain’t saying that is easy to do.  After all, it was sexy, at the time, to join the complaining crowd and cower in the crap.  But can you visualize that last sentence?  That is not my kind of sexy no more!

Focusing on what I wanted was difficult work, but was certainly doable and definitely worth it.  But nonetheless, it was difficult because I didn’t know how to do it.  One of the reasons it was so difficult was because when I started focusing on what I wanted, my head would tell tons of stories that would distract me from my goal.

And this distraction, though I have gotten better at silencing it, still happens today.  In recent years, when I was going through my certification process to be a prospective single parent for adoption, I was living in a rented room in the Bronx, near the Bronx Zoo.  In order to be certified, I had to have my own apartment, and the “child” had to have a room with four walls, a door and a window.  I had only one room for myself!  In that moment, I could have cowered into the uncertainty and get distracted by that current reality.  And I did. But with feirce faith, I went to the training sessions anyway.  I believed reality would have to work itself out if I stayed committed.  And it did!  In about 4 months, I found myself living in my coop converting the bedroom into two rooms.  And although that was a daring move, my most daring move was when I was finally certified to adopt my son Blair.

When I was in the process of adopting Blair, Ihad a full-time job, but I also taught part-time at a local college. I believed I needed to make myself available to him when he finally moved in, and I just couldn't see how I could make that happen.  All my life I was groomed to value a full-time job with benefits and prestige, though not necessarily in that order. 

Financially, I now also needed money to feed two mouths.   I didn’t know what to do.  How would I free up time, but still have enough money?  I was afraid of making a wrong decision.  I felt like I could be  sabotaging my own life.  I started to feel paralyzed and small.  What if I end up not being able to pay rent?  Then what?  And aside from the financial and health benefits of my full-time job, letting go of that position would also mean that I was letting go of working with amazing people, putting together amazing education and prevention programs for teens on dating violence, sexual assault and advocacy.  I loved that job, and thought perhaps I was making a huge mistake.

This and many other thoughts flooded my mind, but I took a breath and refocused on what I wanted.  Again, I wasn’t going to let a little reality called financial stability get in my way!  Oh no!

Six months before Blair moved in, I stood up to my fears and made my decision to free up my daytime.  I was thinking along the lines of paternity leave, but for a few years.  So, I quit my prestigious position at Rockland Family Shelter (RFS) as the Director of Education where I had vacation time, health and retirement benefits and a salary. 

That was my most recent daring and difficult move, but I had faith that it would all work out.  And it did!  I continued my work Monroe College as an adjunct professor to make ends meet; and now, two years later, I work as a consultant for RFS.

Now, I am lucky in that things did work out, but I think it was because my attention was so focused on what I wanted.  The reality I had didn’t have a chance.  It had to shift.   That is the key. 

While the crappy experience of my childhood is imbedded in my body and soul, and I refer to it lovingly and sometimes very gently, it was my determination and focus that lead me to the life of luxury I live in now.  And as hard as it sounds, with practice, I was able to let go of all the false realities I held for myself.

So, please do want what you have, if what you have is absolutely amazing!  However, if it isn’t just yet, recreate your reality, let go of the stories that hold you back and focus on what you want.  By doing this, you can be part of the other 1%.