Writing Exercise 21: Xander's Training

Writing Exercise 21: Write from another person’s perspective.

At 8 PM, Xander hurried home sweaty and exhausted from Physical Training (PT) with the Marines.  He dropped his bag, and rushed for the bathroom to take the long awaited piss building in his bladder in the last hour.  As he pulled down his shorts to pee, his arms resisted.  The muscles in his biceps were too taut to allow him to perform this mundane task of straightening his arms.  Panicked that he would pee in his pants, Xander bent his knees feeling his thighs burn and he lowered his shorts.  A long and silent breath escaped his lips as he relived himself in one of the most awkward positions he has ever taken to take a piss. 

Knees and elbows bent, he shook himself dry and pulled his shorts back up grunting from the strain in his arms and legs.  He waddled over to the sink only 2 feet away and decided that washing his hands would take too much effort.  He brushed the wetness off of his right hand on the limp towel as he stumbled out of the bathroom. 

Falling onto the mattress looked much easier to do in his head.  His stiff body wouldn’t even let him collapse with the force of gravity.  So he grunted one more time as he tried to soften his knees to sit down.  It seemed like every muscle, even ones he didn’t know he had, was working against him.  It was just too much effort to put his feet on the bed, so he kept his feet on the floor and felt the cramping of his abs as he laid back. 

Xander stared at the ceiling for a minute and wonderer what the heck he was doing.  All this pain and stress on the body was for what?  He couldn’t even answer this time.  A tear rolled out of his left eye as he thought about the distance between the man he wants to be and the man that he is tonight.  He wondered if anyone else ever felt this way as he drifted off to sleep, his body twitching every few minutes before it finally relaxed in slumber.

Writing Exercise 20: Haiku for the Heart

Writing Exercise 20: Write a Haiku.

                           The heart keeps beating

        without sound nor forgiveness.
Stiff body and mind.

Writing Exercise 19: Healthy Inputs and Healthy Outputs

Exercise: Write about your health.

I tend to think of myself as a healthy kind of guy. I take care to watch what I put into this body and what I put out.

When it comes to healthy living, I pay attention to what I consume. I try to maintain a healthy diet for my body, including lots of leafy green vegetables. However, my healthy consumption doesn't stop there. I do what I can to also maintain a healthy mindset by watching very little mass media and choosing wisely what materials I will read. Keeping a watch on what I consume both physically and mentally allows me to live a more healthy and happy life.

And the way I live a healthy and happy life can be seen by what put out into the world through my behavior. As you may expect, as a healthy minded person, I don't litter, and I recycle as much as I can. In fact, I have been know to go as far as reusing plastic forks, spoons and knives by bringing them home and washing them! In addition to reducing the amount of material waste I put out, I also practice active listening and mindful communication. It is my intention to be in conversations that promote growth and healthy living. By being mindful of my negative and harsh judgements, I can filter out those ideas so I don't vocalize them. This practice could be considered the anti-littering of the mind campaign. It isn't easy to do, but I think I am healthier and happier for not dumping on my friends or gossiping about people.

So although I have much work to do in order to sustain my health, paying attention to what I take in and what I put out is one way I make it more manageable.

May you be healthy in body, mind and spirit!

Writing Exercise 18: Friends Without Benefits

Writing Exercise 18: Write about relationships.

Last night, I was at a lovely dinner party at a friend’s apartment in New York City last night overlooking Central Park.  Although the view of Manhattan’s skyline from within the city was breath taking, it was the conversation and compnay that all six of us were intensely enthralled with.  Although some of the dialogue was fun and light, we also discussed ponderous topics including positive and negative trends in the “hook up” culture, personal appreciations, the state of affairs today, and accessing and owning our own privileges.  However, my mind woke up today lingering on one of the topics that was transformative for me: relationships. 

I listened intently last night as our host spoke about transactional relationships.  From what I gathered from him, many of our relationships are transactional relationships.  This means that a transaction happens between two or more people.  And without that transaction, those people might not interact at all.  My thoughts raced to the clerk at the supermarket and the server at the restaurant I dined at the week before.  I would not have a relationship, not dialogue with either one of them if it were not the fact that I was purchasing or ordering items and then paying for them.     

When I left the dinner party, my thoughts surrounded me.  There were too many to fit into the subway, so asked them to join me for a walk up Fifth Avenue towards 125^th street.  As I walked, I bridged several conversations we had.  I thought about transactional relationships within the “hook up/friends with benefits” culture.  If it were not for sex, would those people see each other or even be friends?  And what does it mean to be so physically intimate with someone and not know much else about them?  What does it mean when our privileges allow us to see each other as “others?” Does that give us permission or easy access to keep those we don’t know or understand or fear at a distance?  As I walked by a man sleeping on the cardboard he must have laid on the ground for comfort, I wondered if it was easier to keep the relationship with him transactional.  If I gave him a dollar would I then be purchasing relief from knowing that the systems if unfair?

As I neared 125^th street, I let my thoughts fall away and lay on the ground like the many I saw earlier.  I headed home exhausted, and slept a good sleep.

This morning, I woke refreshed thinking about all my relationships.  I thought about my friends and family and then I spent an hour with my son.  During that hour, I did not expe offer him anything nor expect him to give me anything in return.  We just spent time together for the purpose of being with each other.  We talked, laughed, and then made plans to go dancing later tonight.

I learned a lot being present at dinner last night as well as with my son this morning.  And I intend to apply that to more than just people who are closest to me.  For today, my practice includes being present with those I am with regardless of the transaction.  I intend to be present with my friends regardless of what I can gain or give to them. 

Special thanks to my friends without benefits: Leng, Home, Andy, Roger, and Alex – the Dinner Crew!

Exercise 17: What About 100%?

Today, I am mobile and using my cell phone to write my blog. Interesting experience.


Writing exercise 17: Why should students give 100%?


As a professor at a private college, I often hear students talking about aiming for a B grade or being happy with just a passing grade. And as a former full time night student who worked during the day and on weekends I very much can understand why they would choose to settle for a low grade. However, there is something special about the students who do make it their intention to get the highest grade possible by giving their 100%.


Students who put there best foot forward and challenge themselves not only do well in my classes, but tend to do well in all of their classes. And in my class, they tend to absorb more of the content, apply more of the learned concepts, and stress less about tests, quizzes and final examinations. This is not to say that they don't study. This just means that after they study, they tend to feel more confident walking into a test than their counter parts. And that confidence is carried into their workplace as well as in their homes.


Students who give 100% learn not only the content of the courses they are taking, but they learn the valuable skills it takes to achieve results they want. While learning about psychology, writing, and sociology in my classes, these students also learn strategies for accomplishing tasks individually as well as in group projects. They also acquire better foresight, time management and multi-tasking skills, and personal ecology.


Those who give their best in the classrooms make their courses more interesting, learn a set of valuable skills along with the course content and serve as a good role model for others as they tend to be the happiest students I know. After all, wouldn't you be happier if you knew you did your absolute best?


When I was a child, my dad used to tell me that if I wanted to shoot an arrow to the 21st floor that I should aim higher. He said that gravity and friction from the air would slow down my arrow and would make it hit a mark much lower than my original goal.


So for students who are not yet convinced that aiming for an A grade for all the reasons I listed above, consider my father's story. If you want a passing grade, you may want to aim for an A anyway as you just might then get exactly what you want!

Exercise 16 - An Imagination Within a Dream

Exercise 16: Write about a recent dream.

Whoa!  I just woke up from an intense dream!  I was a participant in a workshop with a spiritual leader from India.  He asked everyone to talk about what it might be like to visit India on a vacation.  As the participants, in order, rattled off what they would be doing, seeing, and experiencing, the story was building.  When the story got to me, our "character" was in the hotel.  A man sitting on opposite of me looked into my eyes and laughed as he blurted, out of turn, "What if we ran into one of his kids?"

So I was game.  I continued the story.  I said that we would see the spiritual leader's son and we would chat with him for a bit.  The spiritual leader stopped me and asked me why I chose to speak with his son.  I replied that I was influenced by the man across the way to meet with his children.  He then responded with a series of questions.  He asked me why I didn’t also speak with his daughter.  I responded that I was going to let the next person add that part of the story.  Unsatisfied with my answer, he continued his inquiry, or rather his psychoanalysis, probing for something deeper.  I sensed my defenses, like a wall made of recycled paper was being easily, and yet gently, torn down by his final question.

His question was more of a series of statements.  It blinded me at first like walking out of a movie theater into the bright afternoon sun.  And soon my mind’s eye adjusted and was able to see the beautiful colors and richness of my story.  His question was, “Why did you envision the boy walking away and not running towards me, his father?  Why did you not see us embracing in a hug while wearing smiles upon our hearts and faces?”

I was stunned.  I didn’t speak, but I could hear my thoughts as everyone else started to slowly evaporate into nothingness.  Why was I picturing the boy in my imagination without affection?  Is that the way in which I live my life?  Do I withhold affection towards the people I love?  If so, why would I do that?  Can I choose to be more physically affectionate with those I love?  Is that something I want?

I woke up shortly after asking myself these questions and slowly came to the realization that my vivid dream helped shift a part of me.  I know not what will come of this, but I feel lighter and more inspired.  I am thankful for my unconscious helping me along.  It felt like I dove so deep into my unconscious, like in the movie, “Inception.”  I was dreaming of being in a workshop where I used my imagination to see myself in a hotel with a boy.  Whoa!  That is intense! 

Exercise 15: 3 Benefits of My Degree

Writing Exercise 15: What did college do for you?

I have the luxury of walking into a private college and sit with about 30 students, 4-days a week, and get paid for it.  This is a far cry from what my life was like ten years ago.    Back then, I was the student going to school full-time at night while working full-time during the day as well as working for a DJ on the weekends.

I was unclear as to what direction my future would take, but I knew that earning my college degree would afford me privileges.  I believed both my income and opportunities would change for the better.  I didn’t know then, but it was my confidence that changed most significantly for the better.

Since graduation, my income has doubled.  When I first earned my degree, I got an initial pay raise at the job I was already working at.  I enjoyed that pay raise, and also yearned to make more money so that I could be more comfortable with my lifestyle.  I wanted to be able to eat at a restaurant and not worry about paying for the bill or go food shopping and not have to put items back if I didn’t have enough money.  I didn’t want to skip paying one bill so that I could pay another.  So to satisfy my financial hunger, I started looking for work that would allow me to continue to do what I was interested in and pay me more handsomely.

This is when I realized more opportunities were available to a college graduate with a master’s degree.  I noticed when I was on the hunt for work, I would find jobs asking for a bachelor’s or master’s degree and I still qualified as an applicant.  In fact, my current job required a master’s degree.  If I didn’t have my degree, I would not be able to apply. 

So it is true, my degree offered me both a handsome salary as well as the opportunity to teach at the college level, allowing me to make my schedule and live the lifestyle I know can afford.  And although those benefits are significant, what is most significant to me is since I earned my degree, I feel confident.  I stand taller, speak with more conviction, and smile more often.

What did your college degree do for you?  If you don’t have a degree, what could one do for you?  I don’t know if the benefits will be the same as mine, but I am pretty sure that having a degree made my life just a little better.

Exercise 14: Do Something Now

Writing Exercise 14: Write a short poem.

It isn’t your fault you were raised the way you were raised.

You are not to blame for what happened to you.
Your history, your past may belong to you,
but it was others who did so many things to you.

It isn’t your fault you were raised the way you were raised.

You are not at fault for what you have been through.
The misery and tragedy you have lived through
wasn’t fair for your family or for you.

It isn’t your fault you were raised the way you were raised.

You are not responsible for all the whens and hows.
However, the present moment now takes a bow
as it is your privilege to do something now.

Writing Exercise 13: Got OJ?

Writing Exercise 13: Can you describe something sensually?

When I was younger, I loved eating oranges on a hot summer day.  I found them to be plentiful and available all year round where I lived.  I relished the lingering sweet smell in the air that started as soon as I dug my nail into the peel and it lasted about an hour after eating the final juicy bite.  Sometimes I would rub the peel between my fingers, and then smell the scent of the oils on my fingers all day long!

And that is the beauty of an orange.  An orange can be consumed in so many ways!  Today, an orange still reminds me of the bright midday sun, but instead of pouring light like star in the sky, an orange can pour refreshing tangy juice and pulp after pulp into a glass after being squeezed in a juicer.  It appears to me that the juicer gets the raw end of the deal.  It does all the work and never gets to enjoy the luscious flow of the golden river of flavor.   

There is nothing better on a hot summer morning, than having breakfast with a large glass of fresh squeezed orange juice.  I love the way its coolness runs through my body.  It sometimes feels like I am coated in a chill force field and every heat-wave bounces off of the orange bubble.  Usually, I make sure to eat my breakfast first and save the large glass of cool sunshine as my dessert for a job well done!

Writing Exercise 12: The Other 1%

Writing Exercise 12 – Write something about letting go and moving forward

As I continue on this path of writing every day for 30 days, I am realizing how amazing my life is.  In exercise #4 , I wrote about being lucky and how luck is a state of mind, not something that happens upon someone.  Today, I submit that wealth can be the same thing.  And although in recent news, the 1% has the corner market on wealth, I think there is another 1% that can discover wealth.

I have heard (and read) many spiritual leaders say that if we want what we have, then we will not want for anything.  I recently read that on a slip of paper someone slipped inside my fortune cookie in Chinatown.  And although the saying may be true, I think it is too one dimensional. What if what we have is crappy?  Should we want to want crap?  I think not.

As mentioned in earlier posts, I have had some struggles in my life including living on my own at a young age.  As a gay person of color, I was the source of laughter for so many people who participated in racial and homophobic taunts.  In addition to this torment, I was also sexually assaulted, raped, and beaten bloody all before age 15.  All of that was pretty crappy.  In fact, that was crap served with a side of crap, topped with a cherry made of crap.

And I could tell you all of those experiences made me a better person.  I could also say with absolute certainty it makes me who I am today, which is a pretty good person, though not very humble.  But when I was being raped, sexually assaulted, beaten, taunted, and living on my own at a young age, hearing or reading about this kind of enlightenment would not have been very helpful.   In fact, I would have been downright turned off.   I didn’t care if I was going to be a better person for all the misery I had to endure. 

So what did I do to get through those crappy times to what I consider a life of luxury?  Well, what I did was focus on what I wanted since I was pretty clear on what I didn’t want.  And because I knew I didn’t want my life to continue the way it was, regardless of whose fault it was, I paid attention to what I did want.

Now, I ain’t saying that is easy to do.  After all, it was sexy, at the time, to join the complaining crowd and cower in the crap.  But can you visualize that last sentence?  That is not my kind of sexy no more!

Focusing on what I wanted was difficult work, but was certainly doable and definitely worth it.  But nonetheless, it was difficult because I didn’t know how to do it.  One of the reasons it was so difficult was because when I started focusing on what I wanted, my head would tell tons of stories that would distract me from my goal.

And this distraction, though I have gotten better at silencing it, still happens today.  In recent years, when I was going through my certification process to be a prospective single parent for adoption, I was living in a rented room in the Bronx, near the Bronx Zoo.  In order to be certified, I had to have my own apartment, and the “child” had to have a room with four walls, a door and a window.  I had only one room for myself!  In that moment, I could have cowered into the uncertainty and get distracted by that current reality.  And I did. But with feirce faith, I went to the training sessions anyway.  I believed reality would have to work itself out if I stayed committed.  And it did!  In about 4 months, I found myself living in my coop converting the bedroom into two rooms.  And although that was a daring move, my most daring move was when I was finally certified to adopt my son Blair.

When I was in the process of adopting Blair, Ihad a full-time job, but I also taught part-time at a local college. I believed I needed to make myself available to him when he finally moved in, and I just couldn't see how I could make that happen.  All my life I was groomed to value a full-time job with benefits and prestige, though not necessarily in that order. 

Financially, I now also needed money to feed two mouths.   I didn’t know what to do.  How would I free up time, but still have enough money?  I was afraid of making a wrong decision.  I felt like I could be  sabotaging my own life.  I started to feel paralyzed and small.  What if I end up not being able to pay rent?  Then what?  And aside from the financial and health benefits of my full-time job, letting go of that position would also mean that I was letting go of working with amazing people, putting together amazing education and prevention programs for teens on dating violence, sexual assault and advocacy.  I loved that job, and thought perhaps I was making a huge mistake.

This and many other thoughts flooded my mind, but I took a breath and refocused on what I wanted.  Again, I wasn’t going to let a little reality called financial stability get in my way!  Oh no!

Six months before Blair moved in, I stood up to my fears and made my decision to free up my daytime.  I was thinking along the lines of paternity leave, but for a few years.  So, I quit my prestigious position at Rockland Family Shelter (RFS) as the Director of Education where I had vacation time, health and retirement benefits and a salary. 

That was my most recent daring and difficult move, but I had faith that it would all work out.  And it did!  I continued my work Monroe College as an adjunct professor to make ends meet; and now, two years later, I work as a consultant for RFS.

Now, I am lucky in that things did work out, but I think it was because my attention was so focused on what I wanted.  The reality I had didn’t have a chance.  It had to shift.   That is the key. 

While the crappy experience of my childhood is imbedded in my body and soul, and I refer to it lovingly and sometimes very gently, it was my determination and focus that lead me to the life of luxury I live in now.  And as hard as it sounds, with practice, I was able to let go of all the false realities I held for myself.

So, please do want what you have, if what you have is absolutely amazing!  However, if it isn’t just yet, recreate your reality, let go of the stories that hold you back and focus on what you want.  By doing this, you can be part of the other 1%.

Writing Exercise 11: The Four Sign Posts

Writing Exercise 11: Where do you find happiness?

I went to a meeting last night entitled, “Is Happiness aChoice?” at the community center on 13^th Street in Manhattan. I learned from eight other people of varying ages and genders who spoke about ways to find happiness.  Most of the conversation valued happiness as a prize to be attained.  Some people said that happiness is more like a path or a discipline.  I remember the person sitting next to me said that in order to be happy, one must choose to want to be happy.  I always appreciate being part of these kinds of groups as it helps me get thinking and feeling more clearly.

I pondered all the ideas shared in the group as I later walked the few blocks to my car.  This led me to four ideas about finding happiness.

Be Open:

First, I realized I don’t only want to be happy.  In fact, I don’t think that people should only be happy.  Don’t get me wrong.  I don’t think people should be doom and gloom all the time either.  While sitting in the group I felt compelled to find more happiness in my life.  I felt an urgency to do so.   However, upon reflection, this fixation on being happy seems so superficial and one dimensional.  Why is being happy so valued over all of the other emotions?

Be Authentic:

My second thought led me to think about smiles and pictures.  Have you ever noticed that in most family photographs, people are smiling?  In fact, people are encouraged to smile.  I can still remember being tickled by my sister when we were in a photo together so that I would be sure to smile.  Inside, I was angry each time she did it, but my smile betrayed my emotions.  Now when I look back at some of those photos I can see the disingenuous look on my face. 

But smiles are important in many pictures and even some paintings.  The Mona Lisa’s smile is famously alluring, but most paintings that are highly valued aren’t just of people smiling.  They are usually of people expressing a wide range of emotions.  It is the authenticity of the emotion expressed that makes a picture or painting so valuable, not just the subject’s avid search for happiness.

Be Present:

And that led me to my third idea.  Daring to feel and express a wide range of emotions is more not only courageous, but necessary for the human experience.  If someone was only on a quest to find happiness, then I think he or she will miss out on finding it.  Sometimes when I lose my glasses, I can search all over the house and still not find it, only to realize it was sitting on top of my head the whole time.  In a search for happiness, one can easily forget to be present and enjoy all that life has to offer, the bitter, the savory, and the sweet. 

Be Appreciative:

And that leads me to my final point.  If we lived in a world where the weather was always nice, we would eventually take that for granted and not notice it any more.  And if it got a little warmer or a little colder, we would feel upset that anything changed.  Luckily, here in NY, we get to feel a whole host of degrees and can appreciate the warm, the mild and the cold.  The search for happiness is quite similar.  If we were to only focus on happiness, then we might not notice all of the other feelings.  And worse yet, we might not feel the difference in the varying degrees of happiness.  We might see the varying degrees as bad.  However, allowing ourselves to feel a wide range of emotions allows us to appreciate the all of the emotions as well as the varying degrees in each emotion.

I benefited tremendously from last night’s group at the center.  And I wake up today to feeling just a little more than I did yesterday as I think about being more open to all of my emotions, being authentic to how I feel, being present to all that is around and within me, and being appreciative of all the varying degrees.

Thank you for reading this.  May you be open, may you be authentic, may you be present and may you be appreciative to all that you feel today.

Writing Exercise 10: The Lost Children

Writing Exercise 10: Re-write a children’s story.

This is a story about two children who became lost in the Forest of Disorientation.

Once upon a time, there were two children who lived on the East Side.  They were old enough to venture off on their own, or so their hard working single mother thought.  So one day, they set out to see their grandma and their cousin Red on the West Side.  Little did anyone know that this would be the last day anyone would to see them again. 

As they walked block after block, they soon grew weary and hungry, and their feet grew callouses.  Through mental telepathy, they both thought it would be quicker to cut through the Forest of Disorientation.  And so on they went.

With their bellies still grumbling, they remembered their mother packed them both hardy sandwiches for the trek.  And so they pulled them out and fiercely ate all but the nasty crust to silence their noisy bellies.  They finished their last bites as they approached the Forest of Disorientation.  Their bravery waned as they looked up at the tall trees and down on the muddy grounds.  The children took one look at each other, gulped and walked into the forest while holding hands. 

They instinctually dropped small pieces of the uneaten crust so that they could find their way back in case something went horribly wrong.  But they soon found out it was they who were doing something horribly wrong.

Unbeknownst to the children, a dark large bear crept up behind them.  The bear had been following them since they entered the forest and was picking up each crust the wayward children left behind, growling ever so softly with each drop.  Suddenly, the children noticed a large shadow overtaking them and slowly turned around.  Their knees were shaking and their hearts were pounding in fear. 

The angry bear launched at them.  He started with an introduction of himself and then proceeded to lecture the children on the dangers of feeding wildlife as well as the irresponsibility of littering.  Sargent Smokey charged them for both littering and feeding the wild life without a license.  He dismissed them and told them that they could either send in the fine to the address listed on the back, or go online to submit their plea of “not guilty.”  He smirked at them as he walked away holding up a zip-lock bag of the crusty evidence.

Since then, no one has seen nor heard of the children again.  They remain lost in the forest today.  Or are they really hiding?

Exercise 9: There Really Is No Excuse!

Writing Exercise 9: Write about a time when you had to make an excuse for something.

Yesterday, I was slammed with work and family stuff.  It seemed like I didn’t have a moment to myself to do anything I really wanted to do.  I didn’t get to the papers I wanted to grade.  I didn’t get to participate in my daily writing exercise.  I didn’t even get to have a proper dinner!

Folks who know me know that I tell people to take care of themselves first, as that is really the only way to take care of others.  In any manual about safety, they always insist on you taking care of yourself first, whether it is to affix your oxygen mask securely to your own face before assisting others, or assessing the situation to ensure your own safety before approaching what might be a dangerous scene.  However, yesterday, it felt like I forgot to look both ways, and ran right into the danger zone without my own mask securely fastened to my face!

I woke today wondering about the poor choices I made yesterday.  I, and my belly, remembered the large bag of kettle cooked potato chips I ate for dinner.  Why did I do that?  How could I have let myself run so ragged?  I can easily rattle off answers and admit that I ran out of time.  I had too much work to do.  It is the end of the semester for my students and their stress level has increased, thus affecting my stress level.  My son is going through a lot, and he needs me to be supportive.  The list goes on and on. All of these supposed reasons are valid and important, and yet, they aren’t really reasons at all.  They are excuses for my making poor choices.

Isn’t that the truth?  I chose in every instance to fill my time the way I did.  I chose to eat a bag of chips instead of an apple.  I chose to stop my work and listen to my son.  I chose to get upset about all of it as well.  Each choice was mine to make.  No one forced my hand.  Therefore, if I am not happy with the consequences, then I really have no one to blame but myself. 

In my frustration and sadness last night, I was really upset with myself for making choices that didn’t honor my path.  I chose to help someone with their air mask and cursed the universe for my suffocation. 

In the future, instead of making excuses, I think I would rather make change.  Instead of validating my experience with cooking up reasons, I will acknowledge my core self and learn to make better choices.  No one ever makes excuses when they drop a coin on the floor.  They simply pick it up and choose to hold it differently.  This is the approach I am willing to practice. 

There are two wonderful people I know who do a radio show called, "The Quest of Life."  Their names are Harry Faddis and Steve Sims.  I remember they had a beautiful sign off at the end of their show and I'd like to close out this post with it. 

Harry Faddis: "Take care of yourself..."
Steve Sims: "...and then take care of others."

Exercise 8: Write Anyway!

Exercise 8: Whatever.

Today, I was wrapped up in so many things that I didn’t get a chance to take care of me as much as I wanted.  I didn’t strum on my guitar, get my hair cut, and most importantly, I didn’t write my eighth exercise.  So, I am sitting at my computer 9 minutes after midnight feeling the slight pulse on the back of my head from knocking it on the wall out of frustration. 

Today’s prompt is “Whatever,” as that was the only prompt I could come up with.  None of the prompts from the e-book I have been using worked.  None of the prompts I searched for online resonated.  So, I stared at the computer screen and sighed, “Whatever.” 

This may be my shortest writing yet and it seems more like a rant.  However, if I am to assign myself the task of writing every day for 30 days, a day like this was probably going to come sooner or later.

Sighing off.

Exercise 7: OMG!: What is Your Higher Power?

Exercise 7: What is Your Higher Power?

According to my twisted interpretation of the Bible, on the seventh day, a powerful being finished all of her work, plopped down on the worn couch and admired the results. With a smile on her face, she wiped the sweat off her brow and then wiped her hand on her tattered jeans. She sat there exhausted as she watched her creation spark to life. She was in awe watching the sun, the moon and the planet earth interact with the rest of the solar system. As her eyebrows arched up in amazement and pride, and her eyes welled with tears of joy, she involuntarily moved her lips and said, “O.M.-H.P.!”

She was startled by sound of her own voice. It was the first time she uttered those letters together and so she decided to say it again, but not in text language. She took a deep breath, smiled and said in a confident booming voice, “Oh My Higher Power!”

It was at that moment she realized how powerful she was. She didn’t notice it while she was busy creating the waters. She missed it while designing the contours of the earth. It didn’t even cross her mind while she was imagining the sea, sky and land animals. She was too busy to observe the brilliance of her work as she was lost in the creative process.

But now, sitting back, she could take it all in. From a distance, she could see the beauty of all she accomplished. And that is when it happened. She suddenly realized she was her own higher power! Somewhere inside, always with her, is her higher power. By reflecting, she was able to realize the awesomeness of it.

So from there, she excitedly asked the creatures of the earth to always play nice, and she charged the human creatures to do one more thing. She directed them to reflect on the seventh day of every week. During this day, she instructed them to reflect on their work, which was their life and how great and connected it was to all living beings. She called this reflection the "Greatness Observing Directive." She bestowed Greatness in every creature. And human creatures were charged to honor this Directive.

So feeling another sense of accomplishment, she plopped down once more on the couch and rested fully. She let the weight of her eyelids draw her eyes close and took a long nap.

For many years, the human animals remembered to gather and reflect on the seventh day. The "Greatness Observing Directive" was loved by all as they were able to find their own Greatness and feel a connection with every creature on earth. However, as centuries passed and the language of the people evolved, the "Greatness Observing Directive "was shortened to "G.O.D.," and sometimes simply just "GOD." But still, people honored “GOD” once a week and were able to experience greatness and feel connected.

Many more centuries passed. And correctly, many people thought the importance of reflecting was to find the Greatness within and connecting with the Greatness of all creatures. This is why the "G" in Greatness was capitalized and "O" and "D" in Observing Directive was lowercased. And as the language of the people evolved, similar to our recent changes with text language, the "Great Observing Directive" changed as well. It became G.O.D., which became GOD, and finally, God was created.

People still honored God once a week, but many forgot the original directive. God was no longer a directive but a being with Greatness! And as the years peeled away, human animals, slowly peeled away from their own greatness. They projected all of their greatness onto one being and created a deity. Men made this being into their own likeness so they could attribute all of the wonderful qualities they used to possess and be in touch with into him.

This caused human animals to gradually feet more and more disconnected. They felt disconnected from other animals on the planet. In fact, because they felt disconnected, they became afraid of other animals. Through this separation, they thought themselves better than any of the other animals and placed themselves above all of them. They felt so little connection and compassion that they began to cage and kill them.

And, the disconnection grew like a virus. Just like losing the ability to see Greatness and feel a connection to other animals, human animals, could no longer see the Greatness in each other. And because of this separation, human animals started to see each other as enemies. Some humans thought themselves better than others. They categorized each other by race, gender, class, and by whom they felt affections for. This separation allowed some humans to enslave, torture and kill each other without much remorse.

Throughout the Great separation, humans felt unsure of themselves and whether or not they could find their own greatness. They would conquer other human and non-human animals as well as the earth to try to feel great. But the bloodshed and pain inflicted never truly felt great.

Our powerful being that started at the beginning of the story never did wake from her long nap. She is resting still from all the work she put forth so many years ago. And her slumber is certainly not the tragic part of the story. The tragedy in this story is that many people today are still worshiping the God as a being while forgetting to find their Greatness within and feeling a connection with all creatures. But there is hope.

Some humans still honor God in a more traditional way. They honor the Greatness Observation Directive, and feel Greatness within as well as a connection to all creatures. This small collection of human animals is growing in numbers. And to make amends for the pain and bloodshed, they honor the GOD every day instead of just once every seven days. So every day, more Greatness is honored and more humans are feeling connected to all living beings.

I am one of these humans and although I sometimes forget, I do try to honor the GOD and reflect on the greatness within and around me.

May she who created all things rest peacefully in her slumber, and may we remember to reflect and observe the greatness within and feel connected to all creatures so that she may wake to witness our return to Greatness.

Exercise 6: The Third Side of a Coin:

Writing Exercise 6: What does the phrase, "There are two sides to a coin" mean to you?

1 Coin, 2 Labels & 3 Sides

Why do people say there are two sides to every coin?  I think that most people say that to suggest there are two ways to look at every situation. However, I think they are wrong.  Most people imagine a coin having only two sides with the labels “heads” or “tails,” but I imagine that the thin and narrow side of the coin is another side that gets taken for granted.  I can also see more than two sides of a story.  For instance, when I think about my son’s inevitable departure from the nest three sets of feelings immediately arise: one of great joy and excitement, one of great sadness and one of great love.

The Positive Side: Great Joy and Excitement
People generally view one side of the coin as holding all of the positive attributes of a situation or set of consequences for a choice that needs to be made.  I think they might be right as my son’s inevitable departure does have a bright side.  I feel great joy and excitement with the prospect of him striking it out on his own for two reasons. 

First, I am happy for him to find his own ground to stand on.    I have nothing but high hopes for him as he is currently looking for work and thus will be able to live on his own with sustainable lifestyle.  I imagine that he won’t be moving too far, so we can enjoy visiting one another, and he will be able to enjoy his new found freedom.  What will he do with that freedom?  Will he take on a new hobby?  Perhaps dating might look different for him.  Would he spend more time on the things he wanted to do that he couldn’t do with me around?  Will he be redefining himself with his clothes, hair, and personal style?  The possibilities are wide open!

The other reason I am joyful and excited about his moving out is more self-serving.  To be honest, I am looking forward to having my own space again.  And I don’t mean just physical space.  As you can imagine, most of my time, energy, money, as well as my physical space has been enmeshed with his life.  Now, I ain’t complaining, but there is a pile of things that I would like to get to, and some of them will have to wait until he flies from the nest.  When he moves out, there will be so many spaces open for me to fill, and I am excited!  One of the first things is to figure out what to do with his room.  Do I tear down the wall so that I can once again have a large bedroom?  Do I keep the wall up and turn it into an office space?  Maybe I could rent it out.  The possibilities, again, are endless.  And that is just it.  It is the new possibilities for the both of us that make me so joyful and excited.

The Negative Side: Great Sadness

Flip to the other side of the coin.  People usually imagine this side as being negative, where all of the unwanted consequences of a choice or depressing situation live.   Some may even consider this to be the losing side, especially if it is not the one you called in a coin toss.  For me, the losing side of my son moving out is that it has brought, and will probably continue to bring, on a great sadness.  This feeling may be typical to most parents, but to understand the full scope of my emotions, you would have to understand how we became a family. 

Part of my sadness stems from that fact that three years ago, I started what seems to be a long journey that is now nearing an end.  In the spring of 2009 I set out to adopt a child and create a family.  During my orientation for adoption certification presented by You Gotta Believe at the NYC LGBTCenter, I learned about their goal to end homelessness by placing older teens in families before they age out of the foster care system at 21 years old. Although I was initially interested in adopting a young child, I gently let go of that dream and to follow a new one. 

Although the training had already started and they were on session 4, the trainings were continuous and would eventually loop back to session 1.  This meant I could start immediately on session 4 and continue in the loop until session 3 was completed.  I was relieved, but anxious as to whether or not I was really ready to adopt.  Mary Keane, the facilitator, reminded me that this was only certification training and that I could be certified and I could still choose not to adopt.  With that, I took a breath and signed up for ten training sessions.

I enjoyed the trainings and learned a lot from the first two.  However, I was unprepared for my third session entitled, “The 6^th Session: Youth Panel Presents.”   At this session, a youth panel presented the ins and outs of living in foster care, what they wanted in an ideal family, and what they aspired to be as they got older.  After the heartfelt and honest presentations, an 18 year old panelist made a bee-line directly towards me, cutting through the crowd of other prospective parents.  This is how I met Blair, my son, four years ago.  He came right up to me and asked me when I was going to be certified because he needed a home now. 

After a year of training, paperwork and home inspections, Blair was allowed to have home visits with me.  In the spring of 2010 we saw movies, ate dinners, bought books, and played on the internet together.  One of the finest things we did together was go dancing at the Big Apple Ranch.  Prior to this, he never partner-danced, but he took to it like a fish to water.  He danced the two-step as if he was born wearing cowboy boots!  He picked up the two-step quickly, which made him eager to learn how to dance the hustle, cha cha, salsa, and swing.

But it wasn’t all just fun and games.  We worked together on his GED book we bought at Barnes and Nobles.  And because of his efforts, he was able to get his GED that summer, and that qualified him to enroll in college.  He was reluctant, but not resistant to the idea of college. So with a little push from me, he applied and got into Monroe College’s Associate Degree Program in Culinary Arts.  He moved in with me that fall and we spent months working on developing good study habits, reading and comprehension skills, and motivation strategies.  He was eager to learn and easy to work with.  I am so proud of the effort he always puts into his life.

Now that was only three years ago, and yet it seems like a lifetime ago.

We’ve done so much since then.  As a family, we’ve learned how to work and play together.  We’ve gone on vacations to California and P-Town.  We’ve driven halfway across the country to visit his biological family.  We’ve learned how to support each other as well as ask for help when we need it.  We’ve both gained from our experiences together.  I have learned to practice patience, discipline, clear communication and guitar. Blair has taught me how to make a few new dishes and offered me handy tricks in the kitchen.  He has gained a deeper confidence, mindfulness, and compassion. He also has his driver’s license, passport, and his college degree!

So it is with great sadness that I see this chapter of our lives close, as I will miss the spontaneous experiences we get to share while living in the same home, such as bumping into each other, “Good Mornings and Good Nights,” and all of the “Can we talk” moments.  I know that no matter where he moves to, he is only a phone or text away, but it just isn’t the same.  I grieve for the distance that will grow between us as well as for the cherished memories that will fade ever so slightly as time unfolds.  This is the negative side of the coin that I hold in my heart.

The Continuous Side: Great Love

As mentioned at the start of this essay, I think that the most important side of a coin that gets much too overlooked is the thin and narrow side.  You know the side of the coin that you use to spin it?  That is the third side of a coin.  People are generally annoyed with this side of the coin as it aids the coins in “running away” from their owners when they roll after being accidentally dropped.  In a nickel, you can actually stand it on this side and roll it down on an incline.  The most important and unique characteristic of this side is that it is not flat, but rounded and therefore continuous.

And like the third edge of a coin, my love for Blair will continue long after he has moved out.  Yes, I will sleep better when he is out late because I won’t here the door close when he gets home.  And yes, I will be able to make plans that aren’t heavily influenced about whether or not he will be home or at work.  And oh so sweetly, in the morning, I will be able to sleep in and be woken up by the many alarms he sets and sleeps through.   However, I will continue to care about all of that and more.  I find that love is coupled with both support and concern.  I will continue to support Blair, even at distance, and I will continue to care about him.  I call to check in and advance him some money, as many parents do.  I will hope he lives with integrity and hope.  I will wish that his daily choices reflect his deepest values.  All of that will continue like a coin spinning down a hill.

 When a coin is in motion, much like life is, it relies mostly on the third side.  If gets pulled too heavily on one side or the other, it will fall and travel no more.  However, if it is able to stay balanced between the two sides, it can travel long distances and experience more. 

So please offer respect to the third side of any coin.  And may we all feel the pull of the two sides, and yet, stay balanced on love.