Writing Exercise 24: Nothing

Writing Exercise 24:  Nothing

Today, I am writing in muse-less room.  There is nothing extraordinary about this room, but that is not the problem.  My muse is being muted by Tom Cruise’s voice on the television as he plays Ethan, the man who accomplishes another impossible mission.  So, I write this with him on the television, my son on the couch, and me on my half-hearted self-imposed writing assignment. 

I made several attempts to write something of substance and found myself consistently being distracted.  It could have been the nuclear warhead in the movie or the clicking of my son twirling his hematite necklace around his two fingers on his right hand.  Whatever it was, when I searched for new words to put on the page, I found my voice was blocked.  I tried to write about questions, friends, and sexist dress codes.  Each time I started, all I could manage was a half a sentence, like a sneeze that never comes out, but lingers at the bridge of your nose without relief. 

So I gave into the block, the nothingness.   I started by putting my computer to the side and watched Ethan put on his goggles and wrap a scarf around his face while chasing the bad guy in a sandstorm.  I then realized that my thoughts rested on one word: nothing. And from nothing, something emerged.  I picked up my laptop and started typing, adding to the cacophony of noises in the room.  Soon, I couldn’t decipher which clicking sound was from me typing and which was from the hematite necklace.

This is a spiritual lesson for me as I tend to force things to happen in my life even when it gets difficult.  I see it as a test of endurance and discipline.  Since I started this writing exercise, I committed myself to sit at my computer once a day until I had a somewhat finished product.  And today, as I sat in my stubbornness, nothing was pouring out of me, and I refused to listen.  However, by letting go of my own rigidity, I was able to tap into the muse from within, much like the woman who created the earth (see Got Higher Power?).  By setting my writing aside, both figuratively and literally, I was able to go with the flow from within.  When I put my computer aside, I could finally hear more than Tom or the clicking of my son’s necklace.  I was able to listen to the voice within. 

I started today’s writing with one word.  I started this writing with “Nothing,” and I am grateful for that. I have learned the benefits of going with the flow versus swimming against it.  I have learned to incorporate my environment into my writing, and I have learned to spend time with my son while plugging away on my work.  From nothing, I have gained so much.

Writing Exercise 23: The Other Macro Perspective

Writing Exercise 23: Write about an experience you had from a third person’s point of view.

The Other Macro Perspective

Sitting on the balcony of his stateroom on the Carnival Miracle ship heading to Puerto Rico, James’s gaze softened into the vast openness of water, sky and sun.  He watched the sun dip ever so slowly, like molasses, towards the many colors of the ocean.  The sun’s light is a peaceful peachy color that baths the water in a mixture of metallic orange and light blue.  This is highlighted by the navy and black shadows, dustd with a few crested whitecaps.  The ocean is also textured.  Like his eighty-six year old father’s face, it was speckled and touched by years of movement and experience.   Above the water, the sun floats in the soft blue hues in the sky.  He notices the orange and white Popsicle wisps of color in the sky nearest to the sun as it dances with the clouds.

His eyes adjust to the soft colors as his spirit adjusts to the comforts of the cruise.  In the last six hours, he went from rushing to parking his beat up Honda Civic in Manhattan, riding the screeching tin box underground people refer to as the subway, and speed walking on the hard concrete and pavement, so he and his son could make it to the cruise on time, all the way to sitting on the balcony of his stateroom, breathing the fresh salty air, and witnessing the soft and lush colors of this natural world. 

And what a world it was!  He felt his shoulders relax, although he didn’t realize they were tense before.  Something about staring out into the wide open space of the waters gave him permission to widen the space in his heart.  That, and the many perks of the cruise restored him.  He enjoyed a luxurious vegan entrée, walked for what seemed miles on the many levels of the ship, took a dip in two of the four pools on board, and took a salsa dance lesson where he performed in front of onlookers.

It has been only four hours since the ship launched, and he already felt at ease.  Taking this cruise was one of the more difficult decisions he had to make.  And now, he felt embarrassed by all the fuss he made about booking it.  He rightfully thought cruises were for those of privilege, but failed to realize that they were also a way to relax and unwind.  For him, sitting and watching the sun blaze in the sky was a privilege he had never known until just now. 

James sat for a few more minutes before he got up and pulled on the heavy door to get back in the stateroom.  He booked a surprise “Top to Toes” spa treatment for his son that would start in a few minutes.   “Perhaps,” he thought, “Blair could use some softening and widening in his gaze of the world too.  Just as he stepped back in from the balcony, he blurted out, “Are you ready?”

Puzzled, Blair asked in his I-am-tired-and-want-to-whine tone, “Where are you taking me now? You already made me run 1.5 miles at gym!  What else could you want from my life?”

James took a little too long to answer as he was too busy looking back out at the water.   Grinning, he slowly shifted his gaze to his son and said with a glint in his eyes, “Come on!  It’s a surprise!” 

 

Writing Exercise 22: Zen Writing

Writing Exercise: Describe what is happening now.

My laundry is in the spin cycle downstairs, or rather down the elevator, in the basement.  My son is oversleeping in his halfheartedly cleaned up room when he should be out looking for work.  Me, I am sitting erect at my desk in the living room clicking off the tasks on my list.

Writing this entry has been the most difficult one yet.  As writing what is happening right now is so elusive.  The moment my mind catches a thought, something else is then happening.  It’s like meditating while writing. 

For example, in the last paragraph, I heard people’s voices in varied languages, cars rolling past my block and a plane struggling to gain altitude outside of the window to my left.  However, as I write this, all that has changed, the 4 Train is now rattling by instead.  Focusing inward, I feel my face full of heat and perspiration and can hear the clicking of the keyboard as I type.

All the while, another noise is creeping up psychologically.  In the back of my mind, I keep wondering how I can write about what is happening right now when there are so many things happening, well, right now.  I have to surrender and admit my humanity only allows me to focus on a few things at once.  And my fingers, well, I can only type as fast as I can.  How do writers figure out what to put down and what to let go of?

Well, that may be tomorrow’s entry.  For now, I have to turn my attention to one thing which is walking out of the living room, out of my apartment and taking the elevator to the basement to finish up my laundry.

NOTE: I will be without internet access for 8 days starting tomorrow.  Therefore, I will continue to write my daily exercise and then upload them on Friday, the 10^th.  Until then, I will miss y’all!

If you want to read some of my other work, please check out: www.thoughtsfromafeminist.blogspot.com

Writing Exercise 21: Xander's Training

Writing Exercise 21: Write from another person’s perspective.

At 8 PM, Xander hurried home sweaty and exhausted from Physical Training (PT) with the Marines.  He dropped his bag, and rushed for the bathroom to take the long awaited piss building in his bladder in the last hour.  As he pulled down his shorts to pee, his arms resisted.  The muscles in his biceps were too taut to allow him to perform this mundane task of straightening his arms.  Panicked that he would pee in his pants, Xander bent his knees feeling his thighs burn and he lowered his shorts.  A long and silent breath escaped his lips as he relived himself in one of the most awkward positions he has ever taken to take a piss. 

Knees and elbows bent, he shook himself dry and pulled his shorts back up grunting from the strain in his arms and legs.  He waddled over to the sink only 2 feet away and decided that washing his hands would take too much effort.  He brushed the wetness off of his right hand on the limp towel as he stumbled out of the bathroom. 

Falling onto the mattress looked much easier to do in his head.  His stiff body wouldn’t even let him collapse with the force of gravity.  So he grunted one more time as he tried to soften his knees to sit down.  It seemed like every muscle, even ones he didn’t know he had, was working against him.  It was just too much effort to put his feet on the bed, so he kept his feet on the floor and felt the cramping of his abs as he laid back. 

Xander stared at the ceiling for a minute and wonderer what the heck he was doing.  All this pain and stress on the body was for what?  He couldn’t even answer this time.  A tear rolled out of his left eye as he thought about the distance between the man he wants to be and the man that he is tonight.  He wondered if anyone else ever felt this way as he drifted off to sleep, his body twitching every few minutes before it finally relaxed in slumber.

Writing Exercise 20: Haiku for the Heart

Writing Exercise 20: Write a Haiku.

                           The heart keeps beating

        without sound nor forgiveness.
Stiff body and mind.

Writing Exercise 19: Healthy Inputs and Healthy Outputs

Exercise: Write about your health.

I tend to think of myself as a healthy kind of guy. I take care to watch what I put into this body and what I put out.

When it comes to healthy living, I pay attention to what I consume. I try to maintain a healthy diet for my body, including lots of leafy green vegetables. However, my healthy consumption doesn't stop there. I do what I can to also maintain a healthy mindset by watching very little mass media and choosing wisely what materials I will read. Keeping a watch on what I consume both physically and mentally allows me to live a more healthy and happy life.

And the way I live a healthy and happy life can be seen by what put out into the world through my behavior. As you may expect, as a healthy minded person, I don't litter, and I recycle as much as I can. In fact, I have been know to go as far as reusing plastic forks, spoons and knives by bringing them home and washing them! In addition to reducing the amount of material waste I put out, I also practice active listening and mindful communication. It is my intention to be in conversations that promote growth and healthy living. By being mindful of my negative and harsh judgements, I can filter out those ideas so I don't vocalize them. This practice could be considered the anti-littering of the mind campaign. It isn't easy to do, but I think I am healthier and happier for not dumping on my friends or gossiping about people.

So although I have much work to do in order to sustain my health, paying attention to what I take in and what I put out is one way I make it more manageable.

May you be healthy in body, mind and spirit!

Writing Exercise 18: Friends Without Benefits

Writing Exercise 18: Write about relationships.

Last night, I was at a lovely dinner party at a friend’s apartment in New York City last night overlooking Central Park.  Although the view of Manhattan’s skyline from within the city was breath taking, it was the conversation and compnay that all six of us were intensely enthralled with.  Although some of the dialogue was fun and light, we also discussed ponderous topics including positive and negative trends in the “hook up” culture, personal appreciations, the state of affairs today, and accessing and owning our own privileges.  However, my mind woke up today lingering on one of the topics that was transformative for me: relationships. 

I listened intently last night as our host spoke about transactional relationships.  From what I gathered from him, many of our relationships are transactional relationships.  This means that a transaction happens between two or more people.  And without that transaction, those people might not interact at all.  My thoughts raced to the clerk at the supermarket and the server at the restaurant I dined at the week before.  I would not have a relationship, not dialogue with either one of them if it were not the fact that I was purchasing or ordering items and then paying for them.     

When I left the dinner party, my thoughts surrounded me.  There were too many to fit into the subway, so asked them to join me for a walk up Fifth Avenue towards 125^th street.  As I walked, I bridged several conversations we had.  I thought about transactional relationships within the “hook up/friends with benefits” culture.  If it were not for sex, would those people see each other or even be friends?  And what does it mean to be so physically intimate with someone and not know much else about them?  What does it mean when our privileges allow us to see each other as “others?” Does that give us permission or easy access to keep those we don’t know or understand or fear at a distance?  As I walked by a man sleeping on the cardboard he must have laid on the ground for comfort, I wondered if it was easier to keep the relationship with him transactional.  If I gave him a dollar would I then be purchasing relief from knowing that the systems if unfair?

As I neared 125^th street, I let my thoughts fall away and lay on the ground like the many I saw earlier.  I headed home exhausted, and slept a good sleep.

This morning, I woke refreshed thinking about all my relationships.  I thought about my friends and family and then I spent an hour with my son.  During that hour, I did not expe offer him anything nor expect him to give me anything in return.  We just spent time together for the purpose of being with each other.  We talked, laughed, and then made plans to go dancing later tonight.

I learned a lot being present at dinner last night as well as with my son this morning.  And I intend to apply that to more than just people who are closest to me.  For today, my practice includes being present with those I am with regardless of the transaction.  I intend to be present with my friends regardless of what I can gain or give to them. 

Special thanks to my friends without benefits: Leng, Home, Andy, Roger, and Alex – the Dinner Crew!